Thank you for sharing so honestly. You’re expressing something many believers feel but rarely admit out loud—the deep confusion and pain when life feels unfair and God seems distant or even cruel. I want you to know first that God is not mocking you, and He isn’t treating you as entertainment. Scripture tells us that “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

God doesn’t send mental illness as a test or punishment. We live in a fallen, broken world where sickness—of body or mind—can happen to anyone. But that doesn’t mean God has abandoned you. In fact, He meets us most tenderly in the darkness.

I can tell you from experience—twice in my 67 years, I’ve gone through severe bouts of depression myself. I didn’t like it. It was awful. But I don’t believe God was testing me. For some reason, He allowed me to go through it. I think one reason it happened is simply that my family has a long history of depression. Some families have a history of heart disease or cancer; mine happens to be this. Those things come from living in a fallen world, not from a God who’s targeting us to see if we can pass some kind of spiritual test. That’s not what’s going on.

Even when I was at my lowest, I found that God’s grace never left. You said, “Please, prove me wrong.” I believe God wants to do exactly that—not by condemning you, but by gently showing you that His love is bigger than the pain, bigger than the anger, and even bigger than your doubts.

If you have sincerely turned to Jesus Christ and received Him as your Savior, you are His child—fully loved, fully embraced, and completely accepted. Sometimes your emotions will line up with that truth, and sometimes they won’t. But His love for you doesn’t change. He is not putting you through endless tests, and He does not want you to be miserable.

When your heart tries to convince you otherwise, remember what Scripture says:
“This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: if our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” (1 John 3:19-20)

That verse reminds us that God’s truth is stronger than our emotions. Even when our hearts feel confused or condemned, He sees the whole story. His knowledge and love overrule the ups and downs of how we feel. God is for you!

Barb, I’m so sorry that you have to be burdened with all of this. You have my prayers and I hope that you will still hold onto God even when things look very bleak. There are so moany times that I have felt like God didn’t care or really love me, and things are not so easy even now, but I know he cares. God bless you and I’m praying for you.

Hi Sherry, I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling. I have had seasons of anger dealing with disappointments in life and ministry. The fake it til you make it syndrome is one that i can associate with. I also went through some very deep depression a few years ago that I thought I would never get out of. I thought things would never get better. Where was God? He was there. And are things better. Yes, they are better but I still deal with it from time to time. Please keep worshipping, pray when you don’t feel like it – as you I’m sure you already have. and don’t beat up on yourself. I can promise you that you are not alone in how you feel. I have seen so many Christians struggle. If you have trusted Christ as your Savior, the spirt of Gos is within you even when you don’t feel like it – even when you are angry or hurting. Don’t give up -and don’t hesitate to reach back out.

I don’t trust anyone around me.

But in all of this I have been serving in ministry leadership trying to fake it till I make it. I feel like a hypocrite and fake. I’m serving, encouraging, and lifting up others while I myself am existing in dark and misery feeling abandoned by him. I am tempted to explain why I feel this way, but I know that no one will validate that my feelings are justified regardless of how this came to be.

I have tried devotionals, worship, counseling. All of it is empty. Which increases my anger. I don’t know how to overcome this.

Hi Chad,

I really appreciate your honesty, and I can feel how deeply you’re wrestling with these issues. What you’re describing—the gap between God’s Word and your lived experience—is something I’ve felt too, and you’re not alone in that.

One thing that has helped me in my own walk is learning to understand the difference between biblical principles and personal promises. Scripture is always true and trustworthy—never false. But every verse wasn’t necessarily written directly to each of us as individuals. Many passages, especially in Psalms, Proverbs, and the Old Testament, reflect general truths about how God works or how life tends to go when we live in alignment with His ways. But they aren’t always guarantees that apply instantly to our personal circumstances.

For example, verses like “He gives His beloved sleep” (Psalm 127:2) reveal something beautiful about God’s care for His people. But they weren’t necessarily written as a promise that every believer will always sleep well, every night, under every condition. I’ve personally had serious sleep struggles, too—so much so that a doctor had to prescribe medication for a time. That didn’t mean God was failing me. It just meant I was walking through something hard, and learning to depend on Him differently through it.

The same was true when I deeply desired marriage and didn’t understand why it was delayed for quite a few years. For years, it felt like God was withholding something He had said was good. It wasn’t until later that I could look back and see His hand in the timing—and understand how He was shaping me (and my future spouse) during the wait.

So I say this gently: just because God hasn’t fulfilled something the way we expect doesn’t mean He has failed to keep a promise. Sometimes we need to step back and ask, Was that verse a timeless principle, or a specific promise? Was it written for encouragement, or to a particular person or group in a specific context?

None of that means the Word is less powerful. It means it’s rich, layered, and part of a much bigger story—and sometimes God uses our frustration to draw us deeper into that story.

If you’re willing, I’d love to keep talking about these things with you. You’re asking real, important questions—and I believe God honors those who bring Him their honest struggles.

With grace and understanding,
Brian

Brian,
There are times when people both want and NEED to get married. Their longing for companionship and sexual intimacy becomes almost burdensome and distracting. God says these individuals should not live in perpetual lustful struggle and longing. They should marry. 1 Cor 7:9. It is a strange thing that God says this and then doesn’tbprovide a mate! In fact, it seems downright contradictory.

I struggle in similar ways. But ivalso struggle with sleep. So i looked up verses on sleep and found numerous references to God wanting His children to sleep. “He gives to His beloved sleep.” Yet He DOES NOT give me sleep in spite of me claiming his “promises” and pursuing medical help. I found similar stories on the internet where people experinces similar struggles. They made excuses for God, saying “yes, his word says this, but perhaps he is trying to teach me this or that. Thus, they weave a finely constructed doctrine to explain away objective/clear contradiction to His promises! I could go on! Don’t get me started on tithing!!

Chad

Julie,

First, thank you for sharing your heart so openly—it takes courage to be this vulnerable. I want you to know that what you’re feeling is completely natural given the immense challenges you’re facing. God understands your pain and frustration, and He is not angry with you for feeling this way. He sees the heavy load you’re carrying and is near to you, even when it doesn’t feel that way.

One of the amazing things about our faith is that we’re not left to face these struggles alone. The Holy Spirit is present to comfort us, strengthen us, and carry us when we feel we can’t go on. Even in the darkest times, He is at work in your heart and in your situation, though it may not be visible right now and your emotions tell you otherwise.

I encourage you to lean into Jesus in whatever small way you can—whether through prayer, reading a psalm, or simply crying out to Him honestly. He invites us to bring our burdens to Him because He cares deeply for us (Matthew 11:28-30).

It can also help to connect with other people of faith who can support and encourage you, whether friends, or family. Sometimes just being around people who listen and love without judgment can bring a sense of relief. You’re not alone, even when it feels like you are.

I am praying for you—for renewed strength, for peace to replace the anger, and for hope to shine through in the midst of this incredibly hard season. God is with you, and He loves you deeply, even when life feels overwhelming.

Grace and peace to you,

Brian Sloan

And I have 2 special needs boys and also work.

I am physically and emotionally exhausted, drained, angry and bitter.

And most words that come out of my mouth come out with frustration, and not love or peace.

I do not want to be this way, and wish I wasn’t, but the pain and anger just keep getting worse with each day I wake up and this is once again my reality.