What the Bible Says About Toxic Relationships

Relationships are a huge part of life—family, friends, coworkers, church members. They can be such a blessing, but let’s be real: not all relationships are healthy. Some can leave us feeling drained, hurt, or even doubting ourselves. That’s what people call “toxic relationships.” But what’s more important is figuring out what the Bible says about toxic relationships and how we can deal with them in a way that honors God.

The Bible doesn’t use the word “toxic,” but it has a lot to say about the kind of relationships we should have—and the kind we should avoid. Let’s dig in and see what God’s Word teaches us about handling tough relationships with wisdom, love, and boundaries.

What Are Toxic Relationships?

Toxic relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Maybe it’s a friend who constantly puts you down, or a family member who makes you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough. Sometimes it’s a coworker who stirs up drama, or even someone you care about deeply who pressures you to go against your values.

Here’s the deal: relationships like this can wear you down emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. In Proverbs 13:20, we’re told, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” In other words, the people we surround ourselves with have a big influence on our lives—for better or worse. God wants us to be wise about who we let into our inner circle.

What the Bible Says About Toxic Relationships

Four Signs of a Toxic Relationship

How do you know if a relationship is toxic? Here are four signs to watch for:

1. Manipulation
   This is when someone tries to control or guilt you into doing what they want, even if it’s not good for you. It’s sneaky, but it can really mess with your confidence. For example, a friend might say, “If you cared about me, you’d drop everything and come help me right now,” even if their request is unfair. Relationships should be about love and mutual respect, not control. When you start feeling like you’re being used or guilted, it’s time to pause and pray for clarity.
2. Disrespect
   Disrespect can show up in a lot of ways—harsh words, ignoring your boundaries, or not valuing your opinions. For instance, if someone constantly interrupts you or makes fun of you in front of others, that’s a red flag. The Bible calls us to treat each other with respect. Philippians 2:3 says we should “value others above ourselves.” A healthy relationship lifts you up, not tears you down.
3. Division
   Toxic people often stir up drama and conflict. They gossip, pit people against each other, or refuse to work through issues in a healthy way.Think about a relative who always seems to create tension at family gatherings, criticizing others behind their backs. It’s exhausting and goes against God’s design for peace in relationships. Proverbs 6:19 warns against people who stir up conflict, calling it one of the things God detests.
4. Spiritual Harm
   This might be the most dangerous sign. If a relationship pulls you away from God, it’s not healthy. Maybe someone mocks your faith, discourages you from going to church, or pressures you to compromise your values.For example, a boyfriend or girlfriend might try to convince you to do things that go against God’s Word. The Bible is clear in 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” Relationships should strengthen your walk with God, not weaken it.

What the Bible Teaches About Boundaries

As we continue to look at what the Bible says about toxic relationships, we should know that boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re biblical! In Galatians 6:2, we’re told to carry each other’s burdens, but just a few verses later in Galatians 6:5, it says each of us should carry our own load. So, there’s a balance. We’re called to help others, but we’re not supposed to let them run us into the ground.

Even Jesus set boundaries. He loved everyone, but He didn’t let everyone have full access to Him. He would take time to pray alone (Luke 5:16), and He didn’t always explain Himself to people who didn’t have good intentions (John 2:24).

Practical Ways to Set Boundaries

1. Pray About It
   Before you do anything, ask God for wisdom. If you’re not sure whether a relationship needs a boundary, pray about it. God will guide you.
2. Be Honest
   When you set a boundary, communicate it clearly and kindly. For example, if a family member is too critical, you could say, “I love you, but it hurts when you criticize me. Can we focus on being more encouraging?”
3. Find Support
   Boundaries can be tough, especially if the other person doesn’t respect them. Talk to a pastor, trusted friend, or counselor who can pray with you and encourage you.
4. Stick to Your Limits
   If you’ve set a boundary, hold to it. Toxic people might test your limits, but staying consistent is key.

The Role of Community

God didn’t create us to do life alone. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, we’re reminded, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Surrounding yourself with godly people helps you stay strong, especially when you’re dealing with tough relationships.

Join a small group or ministry at church. Serve together, study the Bible together, and pray for each other. These relationships will encourage you and remind you of God’s love.

Building Healthy Relationships

Not all relationships are toxic. In fact, some relationships can bring so much joy, strength, and spiritual growth into your life. Here are a few ways to build those healthy, God-honoring connections:

1. Look for Godly Friends: Healthy friendships are built on shared faith and values. Find people who encourage you to grow closer to God.
2. Be Intentional About Church: Your church family can become some of your strongest relationships if you invest time and energy into those connections.
3. Practice Listening and Grace: Real relationships take work—listen well, forgive easily, and show up for the people who matter.
4. Pray About Relationships: Ask God to bless your friendships, guide your decisions, and help you honor Him in every connection.
5. Spend Quality Time Together: Relationships grow through intentional time. Whether it’s a coffee date or a phone call, invest in the people who mean the most to you.

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Building Healthy Relationships

Not all relationships are toxic. In fact, some relationships can bring so much joy, strength, and spiritual growth into your life. But building healthy, God-honoring relationships doesn’t just happen—it takes intentional effort and a heart surrendered to God. Here are seven ways you can grow strong, meaningful connections:

1. Look for Godly Friends
   Healthy friendships start with shared values, especially faith. Surround yourself with people who love God and strive to live according to His Word. These are the friends who will encourage you, pray for you, and hold you accountable when life gets tough. To find godly friends, start with prayer. Ask God to place the right people in your life. Maybe there’s someone at church or in your Bible study who always seems kind, joyful, and sincere. Take the initiative—invite them for coffee or lunch. Relationships grow when you step out in faith. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Godly friends make you stronger, wiser, and more grounded in your faith.
2. Be Intentional About Your Church Family
   Your church is more than a building; it’s a community. God designed the church to be a source of encouragement, support, and spiritual growth. But like any relationship, you get out of it what you put into it. Don’t just attend services—get involved! Join a small group, volunteer, or attend fellowship events. Serving alongside others is one of the best ways to build meaningful connections. For example, if you love working with kids, volunteer in the children’s ministry. If you enjoy welcoming people, join the hospitality team. Hebrews 10:25 says, “Not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” A strong church family will help you stay connected to God and others.
3. Practice Active Listening
   Listening is a skill that’s often overlooked, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to show someone you care. When you actively listen, you’re saying, “I value you, and I want to understand your heart.”James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” That’s a blueprint for healthy communication. When someone is talking, resist the urge to interrupt or think about what you’re going to say next. Instead, focus fully on them—make eye contact, nod, and ask questions to show you’re engaged.You can also ask the Holy Spirit to help you listen beyond words. Sometimes people share their struggles indirectly or hold back out of fear. Pray for wisdom to hear what’s really on their heart and respond with love and understanding.
4. Be Generous with Grace
   Let’s be honest—no one is perfect. Healthy relationships require grace, forgiveness, and patience. There will be times when someone lets you down or says something hurtful. How you respond in those moments can make or break the relationship. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” God’s forgiveness is the ultimate example of grace, and He calls us to extend that same grace to others. When you’re tempted to hold a grudge, take it to God in prayer. Ask Him to soften your heart and give you the strength to forgive. This doesn’t mean ignoring harmful behavior or avoiding hard conversations, but it does mean letting go of bitterness and trusting God with the outcome.
5. Pray for Your Relationships
   Prayer isn’t just a tool for emergencies—it’s a vital part of building healthy relationships. Regularly bring your friendships, family, and even your coworkers before God in prayer. Ask Him to bless those relationships, to guide your actions, and to give you wisdom when challenges arise. For example, if you’re unsure about deepening a friendship, pray for clarity. If you’re struggling with a conflict, ask for guidance on how to handle it with love. God hears your prayers and will guide you through His Spirit. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” God cares about every part of your life, including your relationships.
6. Spend Quality Time Together
   Relationships grow through time and attention. Whether it’s a friend, spouse, or family member, spending quality time shows them they’re important to you. Life gets busy, but carving out intentional moments for connection is essential. This could look like a coffee date with a friend, a game night with your family, or even a simple phone call to catch up. These moments don’t have to be fancy—they just have to be genuine. Jesus modeled this beautifully. He spent time with His disciples, sharing meals, teaching, and praying with them. Relationships thrive when we follow His example and make time for the people we love.
7. Encourage One Another
   The world can be tough, and everyone needs a little encouragement now and then. Being an encourager is one of the best ways to strengthen your relationships and reflect God’s love. Proverbs 12:25 says, “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.” Your words have power! Send a text to let a friend know you’re thinking of them, compliment a coworker on a job well done, or write a note of encouragement to someone who’s going through a hard time. Encouragement can also come in the form of prayer. Ask God to show you how you can lift others up. The Holy Spirit may bring someone to mind who needs a kind word, a helping hand, or even just a listening ear.